The Rush Limbaugh Show review

Look, I get that you're all angry. I understand. Believe it or not, I've been angry on occasion.

But I don't understand why you would sit around and listen to a show that just makes you angrier.

You believe that conservatism will make everything better, right? Then why not turn off the radio and go make everything better by doing something all conservative-y?

I'll bet you're a big fan of the saying, "Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime." Every conservative I know loves to say that.

Maybe you could teach someone how to fish.

Or maybe Ayn Rand would disapprove. I don't know.

But you need to do something to relieve the anger.

Masturbate.

Something.

82nd Annual Academy Awards Review

"Hey, everybody, look at me in my dress! Look at me in my tux. Listen to me read some inane shit off the teleprompter! I won????? I WON!!!! I'm so important! I'M SO IMPORTANT!!!!!"

Shit.

Automatic Rudy

Voki Voki Voki

I love me some Voki:

Birmingham Stallions Cowboy Hat

Will someone please buy this for me?

I would buy it, but I'm poor.

I promise I'll never take it off, ever.

Adam Lambert: For Your Entertainment review

You know how sometimes you walk into a store and see a shirt or a book, or you turn on the TV and catch the beginning of a show, and you think, "That's for me. Whoever made this, made it for me"?

Well, that's how I feel about Adam Lambert's For Your Entertainment.

I don't have to listen to a word. And I haven't. I can just tell from the cover.

Adam made this album for me. For MY entertainment. The "Your" in For Your Entertainment? That's me.

It's like, in the liner notes, there must be a note that says, "To my BFF Lein Shory. This album is for you."

Adam Lambert. His words and music will live forever!!!

Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie review

You know a movie sucks when stick-figure cartoons have more personality than the crappy-ass trailer.

The books are pretty funny. But movies based on books suck. Except The Godfather. Everything else SUCKS.

Caprica review

Prequels are for assholes.

Sarah Palin: Going Rogue review

Whether you're a professional athlete, a porn star who banged 1,000 people on camera, or a doofus governor plucked from obscurity by a desperate old geezer to be his running mate on a national ticket, one perk of being famous is that you can hire people to write a book for you, and then you get to stick your name on the cover and say it's yours.

Do that in college and you'll get your ass thrown out. Do it when you're rich and famous, you're the toast of the fucking town.

It's one of those minor fucked-up things in the world that for some reason most people don't care about. One reason is that the piece-of-shit reviewers and columnists who could actually make noise about it are the ones most eager to ride the gravy train. Write your review, pretend that the dumbass politician or reality TV star who can't form a complete sentence actually wrote the shit you're quoting, and maybe you'll get the fat check for ghostwriting the next one.

If Sarah Palin hired someone to paint a painting and then she signed her name to it, would you buy it? A lot of people would, I bet. A lot of people would buy a cow turd if she claimed she shat it out of her ass.

Ke$ha: Tik Tok review

I have no idea what the fuck this is.

Is Ke$ha the "artist," and Tik Tok the album title? Or is it the other way around?

I would never buy something with bullshit spelling like this.

"Tick tock" is spelled "tick tock," not "Tik Tok." I guess unless you're über-hip. Then you can spell like shit.

How am I supposed to pronounce "Ke$ha"? Is it "key/dollar sign/ha"? Or is it "Keisha with a dollar sign instead of an 'S'"?

It's bullshit is what it is.