Stallions!

If you're like me--and you probably aren't--then you grew up a big fan of the USFL, and in my particular case, the Birmingham Stallions.

Having spent my early years watching Super Friends and playing with Star Wars action figures rather than paying attention to sports, I was just becoming aware of the joys of watching football when the USFL debuted to the delight of, well, several dozen people. Those were the heady days when Birmingham thought it was still competing with Atlanta and might even somehow land an NFL team (did you know that the Patriots almost moved to Birmingham once?). Now, of course, you ask Atlanta and the NFL about Birmingham, and they say, "Where is that again? Mississippi?" But while we were waiting for the NFL to arrive, we enjoyed some pro football in the sizzling, sweltering spring and summer.

I think I attended at least one game every year, and when they weren't on TV (yes, the league had a TV contract!) I would listen on the radio, my first introduction to the late, great Jim Fyffe, the longtime Auburn football and basketball announcer. I learned the names of most of the players, and experienced a taste of what fans in, you know, real cities enjoyed every fall.

The Stallions finished 9-9 their first year. Then they signed Terry Bradshaw's backup Cliff Stoudt, and former Buffalo Bill and Auburn standout Joe Cribbs. The next year they went 15-3, and the year after that, 14-4. They weren't the most exciting team to watch, but they won. And they were drawing pretty big crowds, even 60,000 for a game against the Generals. Then the league up and died.

I still think they might have survived if the owners hadn't gotten so greedy so quickly. And by "they" I mostly mean Donald Trump, owner of the New Jersey Generals. Thinking he was the USFL's Sonny Werblin, Trump lured Herschel Walker out of college with what at the time was a big salary, then signed Doug Flutie, and the money chase was on. He led the lawsuit against the NFL and the proposed move to the fall, and we know how that turned out. Now The Donald has a TV show and yells "You're fired!" at people, which doesn't seem fair since he ruined part of my adolescence.

I even wrote a poem about the demise of the league. One of my few poems, and perhaps my greatest. It was printed in our high school newspaper. It helped that I was one of the newspaper editors, but even so, it was awesome. I wonder if my friend Dave has a copy. I bet it would bring a tear to the eye even now.

A few years ago I even spent an inordinate amount of time creating a virtual Stallions team for Madden NFL. It's a good thing you couldn't change the number of teams in the league on Madden, or I might have recreated the whole damn league. At least all that effort helped me develop some skills in--actually, it didn't help me develop any skills in anything at all. But it was fun watching Joey Jones lay out for a catch again, or Chuck Clanton make a great interception.

Now I hear someone is bringing back the USFL, which is a really stupid idea, and made even more so when you realize that they aren't really bringing back any of the old teams, like the Stallions, the Chicago Blitz, the Memphis Showboats, or my second-favorite team, the Boston/New Orleans/Portland Breakers. No Herschel Walker. No Doug Flutie. No Steve Young. No Jim Kelly or Reggie White or Anthony Thomas or Scott Norwood or Jim Mora or Steve Spurrier.

But for those of us who still love the old USFL, ThrowbackMax sells some pretty cool merchandise. You can buy a Stallions mini-helmet here (my friend Jerry sent me one--it's very cool). Birminghamprosports.com has some photos and history of the Stallions. And this dude is crazier than I am and really did recreate the entire USFL for Madden.