Sarah Palin pens YA Christian adventure novels

No. Just no.

From the AP:

NEW YORK (AP) -- Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has signed a seven-figure deal with HarperCollins Publishers to author a series of young-adult, Christian-themed adventure novels.

"The Rogue Warrior" series will follow an Indiana Jones/Lara Croft character as she uncovers historical documents and relics revealing Biblical truths and the Christian origins of the United States.

In the first book, expected to be released this fall, the heroine races to locate Noah's Ark before a group of atheist scientists can destroy it. In the second book, the character uncovers a centuries-old conspiracy by series villains Agents of Satan to convince Americans that the Founding Fathers supported separation of church and state.

In future volumes, the character will face off against Muslim terrorists, homosexuals, an array of minorities, and "left-coast elitists."

"HarperCollins was thrilled to publish Governor Palin's bestselling memoir, "Going Rogue,"" said HarperCollins worldwide CEO Brian Murray. "We are just as thrilled to add her to our literary ranks, which includes the likes of Mark Twain, the Brontë sisters, and Charles Dickens. We think this series has the potential to be another "Left Behind.""

Twentieth Century Fox has acquired the film rights to the series, and executives are said to be planning the "mother of all cross-marketing" with its sister company Fox News Channel, where the erstwhile vice presidential nominee hosts "Real American Stories." HarperCollins, Twentieth Century Fox, and Fox News Channel are all subsidiaries of Rupert Murdoch's News Corp.

In a prepared statement, Palin said she hoped that the series would be a way for young people to hear her message about the "real America."

"We've gotten away from our core values," Palin wrote. "We've been tricked by Hollywood Jews into thinking that you can escape the flames of hell if you don't accept Jesus Christ as your savior. There are actually places in this country where homosexuals and foreigners walk freely on our streets, unashamed. And worst of all, we've somehow forgotten that you must never trust the shifty Negro."

Lynn Vincent, ghostwriter of the Palin memoir "Going Rogue," is expected to assist Palin on the series, since the half-term former governor can't write a fucking sentence to save her fucking life.