The Rules of Proper Racial/Ethnic Casting in Hollywood, According to Liberals Who Are Not Hollywood Elite

So I ran across this article on Huffington Post yesterday about how The Last Airbender and Prince of Persia are racist because they cast white people in the lead roles.

Look, is Hollywood still racist? Undoubtedly. There's been a great deal of progress over time, there's still too little diversity, and too little portrayal of accurate diversity, despite cartoon-liberal cries to the contrary. Too many African Americans talk jive, too many Latins are lusty, and all Arabs who aren't Tony Shalhoub just want to blow things up. Aboriginal peoples all speak like Tonto (even if they're blue and from another planet) and always live in utopian paradises that middle-class white people like to daydream about when they're mowing the lawn or telling the kids to shut up. If only I could don a loincloth and frolic about Eden with the brown/blue people!

But the more I read of the article and comments, the more inconsistent and nonsensical the whole argument became.

I must confess I don't know much about the source material of either movie. After watching the trailer for Airbender, I did have to laugh at the idea of a white kid playing a part that certainly seems to require an Asian.

But with Prince of Persia, I just don't see a problem with Gyllenhaal. So he's half-Swedish, half-Jewish. Does this guy look any more Persian than Gylllenhaal?

(Andre Agassi is of Iranian heritage, in case you didn't know.)

Now I doubt very seriously that the studio heads sat around in top hats while smoking cigars and said, "We can't have one of those swarthy wog fellows fouling up our movie. We need an A-list star. How about Jake Gyllenaal?" For one thing, is Jake Gyllenhaal A-list? Really? But he is semi-recognizable, at least, and plausible.

And yet blogger and independent filmmaker Jehanzeb Dar is outraged:

"This part really needed to go to someone who's Persian . . . It's not only insulting to Persians, it's also insulting to white people. It's saying white people can't enjoy movies unless the protagonist is white," he said.

So according to this rule, any character of a particular ethnicity or race must be portrayed by an actor of that ethnicity or race.

Thus it is very very very bad that Jewish James Caan played Italian Sonny Corleone in The Godfather.

Wait, except that once I read the comments, I discovered that it isn't bad! It's okay for Jewish people to play Italians, and Italians to play Jewish people. That's different!

You see, Italians and Jews are just white people of different ethnicity, whereas half-Swede half-Jews and Persians are separated by race.

Now I thinks to meself, Self, there's probably no more ethnic difference between Jewish people and Persians than Jewish people and Italians. And according to the U.S. Census Bureau, as well as science, Italians, Jews, Persians, Arabs, Greeks, Irish, Swedes, Germans (and more!) are all part of the white/Caucasian race. No doubt this notion annoys a great many people, and yes, we generally think of white people in this country as defined by attendance at NASCAR events or Episcopal churches, but, you know, science.

But even if I were right (which of course I must not be), Persians are apparently an "aggrieved group," and therefore all of their roles in movies must be filled by Persians. I can only assume the same applies to Arabs, African Americans, Native Americans, and Asians, but apparently not Jews, since Robert De Niro played a Jewish person not once, but twice!!! Italians are of course not aggrieved, apparently because of pizza and Joe DiMaggio or something. They got off the list a while back.

Being a simple person, however, I found this all very confusing, and attempted to locate some place that listed The Rules of Proper Racial/Ethnic Casting in Hollywood According to Liberals Who Are Not Hollywood Elite. Sadly, Google turned up nothing, so I decided to give it a go:

1. A character of a particular race must be played by a member of that race (EXCEPTION:see #3 and #4)
2. Characters of one ethnicity may be played by an actor of another ethnicity if observers can't tell the difference. For example, it is fine for Jewish James Caan to portray Italian Sonny Corleone if he "looks Italian" to you, and for Italian Robert De Niro to portray Jewish Noodles or Jewish Sam "Ace" Rothstein. Indian-British actor Naveen Andrews may play Iraqi Sayid. It is also fine for Koreans, Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, and pretty much any East Asian to play any other East Asian, since to your Average Joe American, they all look alike, what with their slanty eyes and everything.
3. Persons of a particular ethnicity or race may NOT portray a member of said ethnicity or race IF they do not fully embody commonly held perceptions of that ethnicity. Thus, a light-skinned Arab may not portray an Arab, since EVERYONE knows that ALL Arabs are dark-skinned. However, a Persian, Jew, Greek, Italian, or Spanish (even Mexican--Anthony Quinn) person may portray an Arab if said person is "dusky" and thus sufficiently "Arab-y."
4. It is wrong for a white person to be cast in a role previously played by an African American, but "a fascinating examination" if an African American is cast in a role previously played by a Caucasian.
5. Race is more important than ethnicity. You can cross the ethnic line, but not the racial line. The Prince of Persia controversy is a racial matter, because Persians are not members of the white race (except that they are). Of course Gyllenhaal is half-Jewish, but he doesn't really look Jewish (see #3).
6. No rules apply to pure regional differences. Thus a Yankee or Brit can be cast to play a Southerner and use some fake, TV Southern accent, because who gives a shit, you know? Southerners are not an aggrieved group, anyway, except for African American Southerners, though apparently they can be played by Yankee African Americans. Accent differences between British and Australians qualify as "regional" since it's hard for some Americans to tell the difference. Hence, it's okay for Russell Crowe to play quintessentially British Robin Hood, just as it's okay for British Jude Law to play quintessiantly Southern Jack Burden (actually, no, that wasn't okay--the 2006 All the King's Men (one of my favorite books) sucked backwards and forwards.)

The one rule I haven't figured out is about mixed-race, mixed-ethic heritage. Can you play a Persian if you're half Persian? What if you're half-Persian, half-Japanese, and you look Japanese? What if you're one-quarter Persian? One-eighth Persian (a Persiaroon)?

So it just comes down to appearance--often ignorant assumptions about appearance--and a sophomoric demand for what's perceived to be "realism," a notion that plagues many forms of entertainment. Personally, while I enjoy the immersive experience, I know that I'm watching a projection on a screen, or reading words on a page, so I can roll with a lot of stuff, so long as it's done well.

Though he's too old now (age-ism!), I personally would have had zero problem with Denzel Washington playing Batman/Bruce Wayne. Denzel likes to play obsessed people who are a little bit crazy. He would have been perfect. Of course lots of white people would have been in an uproar. But I think it would have been cool.

That's not to say that Hollywood shouldn't try to find the right, best person for the role, and to consider ethnicity if the role demands it. Even if she is a queen, Queen Latifah would be an odd choice to play Queen Elizabeth I, and Jason Alexander an odd choice to play Jimi Hendrix. But if everyone gets a shot, and the result is good, then like I said, I'll roll with it.

The whole controversy is actually the racial profiling argument flipped on its head. Civil rights advocates are (I think rightly) upset about racial and ethnic profiling in terrorism and immigration matters, so isn't it odd that they want to mandate that a character of a race or ethnicity must be played by a member of that group? Yet the very absurdity of that also pokes holes in the pro-profiling argument, since the guy who doesn't look Arab-y or Mexican-y may be just the guy you're looking for, and the ones who do may just be minding their own business.

What I don't understand is why more people aren't in an uproar about the Green Lantern casting. Blond Blake Lively has been cast as Carol Ferris, and anyone who knows anything about Green Lantern knows that Carol Ferris is a brunette.